Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Tissue Paper to Fill the Corners With

I didn't post this week and I'm feeling guilty about it, but (as is common this time of year) I'm distressingly busy.

So I'm going to do something that is somehow easier and just write silly poetry for you.


Lament of the Physics Student
Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells

Fudging data, fudging data
My write-up's due in an hour
My error bars are bigger than Mars
And the voltmeter's got no power

Oh! Fudging data, fudging data
I wish I could hand it in late
I hate to cheat but I need a 'C'
Or I won't graduate

Dashing through the halls
Looking for my prof
Ask him for some help
He just starts to scoff (Ho, ho, ho!)

Data tables I will fill
Caffeine I will swill
Goodbye I'll say to my GPA
If the T.A. isn't thrilled

Oh! Fudging data, fudging data...
(Chorus repeats)


Lament of the Physics T. A.
Sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Students whine
I'm not listening
In their eyes
Tears are glistening

Things didn't go right
They need some more time
But I'm locking up the lab for the night

Label your graphs
And show your units
If you went to class (once in a while)
You would know this

I'd be filled with delight
If they'd get out of my sight
But I'm locking up the lab for the night

On your benchtop you can build your project
And pretend that you have read the lab
I'll say, "Are you done yet?" You'll say, "Almost,"
Then take three hours to put it in my hands

They screwed it up
When they did it
They're begging me
For five more minutes

But it's late and its dark
And I still have to mark
I'm locking up the lab for the night


Untitled, and somewhat un-silly

Sing a lament of unwrapped presents
Of unmailed packages and unsigned cards

I'll sing a song of happy children
Of paper fallout and cookie shards

Wring your hands over stretching credit
Stretching waistlines and stretching nights

I'll rub my hands for delicious feasting
Loved ones near me and sparkling lights

The stress is real, it's not all play
I feel your worry, I know your strain

But for all this havoc under skies this grey
You'll know it's worth it come Christmas day


(I didn't write the words to this one, but I love it, mostly because whoever made it up knew their physics.)

We Three Quarks
Sung to the tune of We Three Kings

We three quarks
Fine particles are
Strange and Charmed
We traverse afar

Fields and forces
Spin, of course
All divided by
ħ ("h-bar")

Oh, quarks are wondrous
Quarks are light
Quarks have colours
Clear and bright

Ever intriguing
Ever misleading
All the physicists in sight

We three quarks
Trade gluons all day
Are made in this way

Confined inside
We always hide
Unseen forever, stay

Oh, quarks are wondrous
Quarks are light
Quarks stay smugly
Out of sight

Ever intriguing
Ever misleading
All the physicists in sight


Have any of you written, or do you know of, some silly holiday song parodies? Post them in the comments! Let's get festive, folks.

Fame and glory--or perhaps only a good-natured sing-along--await you here.

Author website: J. J. DeBenedictis

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