Wednesday, January 26, 2011

down teh rabbit hole

omg so i hav 2 tell you what happned to me this 1 tiem. it was liek falling down the rabbit hole; craziest story evah

it was the day after halloween an i woke up real early. it was sunny an nice but real windy and i decided i would go for a morning run on teh seawall.

so i got out there and it was sooooo pretty with big whietcaps on the ocean an surf pounding up against the wall and the trees were hissing and i was having a good run,really feeling in tune with nature,u know? and liek out of nowhere,this WALL of water jumps up from bhind the seawall and pounces me an it was SO COLD. i mean it was Nov 1 and WINDY out,omg

so i come running out of teh splash zone and some random guy's walking toward me. and he's tryin not to laugh and you can tell he's bursting his spleen or something,poor guy but he doesn't laugh which was nice so i keep running because i'm COLD and what can i do?at least it will warm me up

DON"T GET BORED BCAUS THIS STORY"S GOING TO GET SO INTERESTING IN A SECONG,OK?

so i keep going and my nippls are like pencil erasers and my skin is all speedbumps, an i'm just started 2 gett dry and warmed up when it happens AGAIN.

omg i wanted to cry

but no1 saw me that time,haha so at least i won't be sued for busting another guys spleen,right? LOL. and other than being FREEZING i was having a good run so i kept going but i stayed on teh far side of the path bside the trees instead of the water.

yah so it's Nov 1? and there r autumm leaves on teh path? and i'm running trough them? an yeah,so my ankle finds this hole in teh pavement that my eyes didn't see bcaus of all the STOOPID leaves and BLAMMO.

and oh crap i'm flat on my face and now i've got this nice couple helping 2 spatula me up off teh pavement an i'm bleeding everywhere and mostly just embarrassed so i decide its time to WALK home. no more running,JUST WALK.

and it's still a preety day and i'm mostly concentrating on all my ouchies so i don't notice i'm walkign by the water side of the seawall again

an then there's a third wave. ,only this tiem i feel it grab me and i'm not kidding i feel these cold fingers on my arms

an suddenly i'm loosing my balance,and this thing in the waves-or maybe it's made of teh waves,i don't know-is pulling me into the ocean and its STRONG. and,liek,the fear shocks through me like a lightningbolt that's coldr than teh water because HELLO. HANDS. waves r not supposed to have HANDS,right

and i kind of try to scrunch down so i'mnot as tippy,u know? i'm tryin to get my balance. but it dusn't work and this thing,it pulls me off the wall. i land in teh water and its so cold my chest kind of cramps an i don't think i could have breathed evn if my head was out. an this thing is pulling me DOWN,and i think,whut. i just start kicking. i'm scratching at the water liek i can hurt it,but i can't,and i don't know what way is up nemore.

and its weird,but my fingers snag on this piece of wood floating in tere with me and i,liek,feel this BLAST of relief-like i'm saved now or something

BUT THAT"S NOT TEH CREEPY THING THE CREEPY THING IS I TOTALLY WAS!!!

liek,as soon as i touch that wood,the cold hands let me go as if i burned them. so now i'm just swirling and thinking i can't breathe down here,and then the wood starts to bob in one direction an i realize that's UP and i start kickin like crap

so i get my head up from the water,and i'm bobbing at the bottom of the seawall and i want OUT bcaus i'm thinking that thing won't stay gone long,and the wind is nuts and the trees are all roaring,and it's way to high for me to climb out-or so i THOUGHT bcaus right then i feel something TOUCH me in teh water HOH SHIT and NOW I'M CLIMBING LIKE A FREAKING MONKEY.

but i keep the stick of wood,,and i stop and stab it at the water a bit-and then i sortof think,this is stupid. if i wait much longer tehn i won't be able to climb out at all bcaus the adrenilin will wear off so i boogie up the wall and i get out.

and omg. u remember i said it was windy? and teh trees were roaring? well they're roaring WORDS. an i cant understand but they sound all evil,like YOU OWE US or something,and i think,WHUT,and 2 hell with this,yes i am going to RUN now. HOH CRAP I AM GOING TO RUN.

an it was so weird bcaus there were other people on the seawall,like,it was broad daylight,not spooky or nething. i dont know why this happened to me,halloween was the night BEFORE and its not like nature could get the dates wrong,right?

neway,i am only going to jog on the road from now on.***


***The weirdness of Rabbit Hole Day aside, some parts of this story are true.

Disappointingly, they were the bits about getting drenched, freezing my t*ts off, and then doing a face-plant.



Author website: J. J. DeBenedictis

9 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

This is the most brilliant thing I've read in a long time!

Old Kitty said...

This is why I don't go jogging!

:-)

Take care
x

Sarf's Travels. said...

that need to go in a book...

Whirlochre said...

your rarely grate

jjdebenedictis said...

FairyHedgehog: thx u r so kind!!

Old Kitty: its rally dangerous if u go to teh wrong area. u take caer 2!

Sarf: thx,but i mite need some copyeditin first tho,lol

Whirlochre: thx! i think u r preety awesom 2!

Peter Dudley said...

yous a ghost?

verification word: cheadef
dat's wut u did in teh story lol

jjdebenedictis said...

Peter Dudley: YAAAAHH!! i totes did cheadef! omg blogger is psychic lolwhut

fairyhedgehog said...

jj, you're scarily good at this voice!

jjdebenedictis said...

Fairyhedgehog: Proof positive that I spend way too much time on the internet. It's like those people who absorb accents when they're talking to someone from far away...

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