Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.I don't own a television, so I've only been passingly aware of the whole O'Brien/Leno/NBC kerfuffle, but this statement by Conan O'Brien on his final airing of The Tonight Show resonates with me. I'm particularly impressed someone in such a high-powered industry, holding such coveted job, would include the qualification "and [if] you're kind". My opinion of this guy--whose existence I'm barely familiar with--just rose pretty high.
And now I'm going to be precise: The reason why this resonates with me is kindness is something I hold in great esteem; I think it's a trait more important to human society than intelligence--and I'm already strongly biased toward rating intelligence above all sorts of other impressive human attributes, so for me, that's a big admission.
Words that resonate, whether spoken or written, have power over us regardless of what mouth they come out of. A television host's closing monologue is hardly the place to get your wisdom from, but everyone's brain cherry-picks the things they remember. Thus, the power of words is democratic. If you say something that has impact, which strikes people as being true, they will remember it regardless of who you are.
Here's a sentence that resonated with me when I was just a kid, and which has stuck with me my whole life:
Never believe in anything completely; it's a sign of weakness.That statement came from the lips of actor Jon Pertwee playing the title character in Dr Who during the early seventies (I watched re-runs of these; I was but a wee lass when Mr Pertwee finished his stint as the Doctor!)
The words read quite harshly on paper; Mr Pertwee's good humour and posh British accent gentled their delivery considerably. Regardless, the statement's condemnation of extremist thinking and its promotion of open-minded, healthy skepticism made a lasting impact on the twelve-year-old JJ--a kid who went on to love the sciences and to consider all religions valid.
Who wrote that line? I have no idea, but his or her words reached through a television screen and made an impact that lasted decades on at least one kid.
It gives hope to all us writers working in obscurity: You don't need to be anybody; you just need to write powerfully. You just need to speak the deep truths clearly.
There is the matter of who the message will resonate with, however. That one line from Dr Who resonated with me because I already considered it to be true; I just hadn't managed to put that thought into words yet myself.
Another person might be very uncomfortable with the idea of never believing anything--such as the claims of their religion, for example--completely. They wouldn't consider that statement a deep truth, and although the discomfort might make them remember the line, eventually their mind would dismiss it as untrue and forget the statement.
And that's the wisdom underlying the truism "You can't please everyone". We all have different beliefs, and thus our brains cherry-pick their own truths. You can write something that resonates powerfully with a lot of people, but the nature of humanity is such that the words cannot resonate with everyone. Therefore, it's not a good idea to get too upset over one person not liking what you wrote, because that's inevitable.
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Have you any lines of wisdom from oddball sources that have stuck with you for years? I'd be delighted if you shared them.
Do you agree with my hypothesis that the words resonated because you already agreed with them, or do you think the words shaped what you would come to believe? I'd love to hear what you think.

7 comments:
None spring to mind at the moment and I'm reduced to raiding my synapses for Barbra Streisand lyrics, just in case.
The more I think about it, the more I'm 100% behind the sentiments of this phrase. Absolute beliefs can be scary things and if you hit on the wrong one, you're doomed for life. I prefer the Bag of Interactive Mutables theory.
As for Pertwee & Who, I watched every one of those episodes. He was a fairly serious Who compared to some of the other incarnations. Shame about that ridiculous car.
I loved that bit of Conan's ending monologue, it did make me like him just a bit more. And I agree with you, in holding kindness above even intelligence. I hold intelligence in high esteem in that I appreciate it, and appreciate intelligent peoples' ability to make me think. But there are other attributes I also appreciate...
Okay, here's my line and I also heard it as a child:
Every man is my superior in that I may learn from them.
Believe it or not, it was from an episode of All in the Family, said by a character who was mentally challenged to Archie Bunker.
I think there's a bit of reader's or listener's responsibility, in that what we hear and read resonates with us through the filter of our own perspective. But I couldn't tell you which came first - sometimes it resonates because you hold the belief, but sometimes I think it helps you to form your beliefs...
One quote I've always loved comes from Blaise Pascal - "The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of."
I found it as a teen, and it's always stuck with me. On a blind read, it seems to be saying to let your emotions drive you, but I read it more like "sometimes our heart knows the right thing to do, even if there's no logical reason for it."
I think it resonated with me largely because I'm a romantic, but also because I'm a fairly logical thinker - I want concrete answers for everything - but sometimes there's no concrete answer. That's where the heart comes in.
The one that stuck with me is actually a lyric from Hair. The song is "Easy to be Hard".
And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who care about evil
And social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend
I went to college in Philadelphia, and there were homeless, desperate people everywhere. Students on campus debated endlessly about whether or not to give them spare change and the problem at societal/institutional level, but on the street I'd always hear this song and be reminded that each of these people was a real person, had a real story, and deserved personal compassion.
I also like your "democratic" assertion. The funny thing is how the words of our own that resonate with others are often not the ones or the ways we expect.
I once wrote something pretty offhand to a stranger in forum, and she emailed me years later to tell me it had made a huge difference for her. Although to me it was just a simple fact in a throwaway statement, to her it was an important truth that changed the way she saw her life at a difficult time.
To think that each one of us has this kind of power is both awesome and terrifying. And really recalls the importance of kindness.
(Sorry so long!)
Don't squeeze the Charmin.
Whirlochre: At least the car and the scarf weren't used by the same incarnation. I often wondered why the bad guys didn't just slam the end of that hideous scarf in the Tardis' door and thereby strangle Number 4.
Merry: Ooh, I do like your line. That humbleness is also something I can admire.
Maybe Genius: That is a nice line. It is a reassuring take on the confusions that go with being a messy ol' human being.
Kate: I think that would have freaked me out too, having someone email me years after the fact to tell me what an impact my offhand comment had made on them.
And it would kinda make me worry about the (unfortunately several) several times I've said something less than nice on the internet, too. {:-/
Blogless Troll: Definitely wise advice. You never know when there might be a subcritical warhead in your TP, just waiting to go off.
I have a couple that have stuck with me.
"Life, bah I will worry about it when it is over."
To me it says that worrying about things that you can do nothing about will only lead to unhappiness.
The other that has stuck with me is a bit of a song JJ had to learn for girl scouts.
"Take time to wonder at the world in which you wander."
To me it has always said that there is a great deal out there, if you only take a moment to look.
There is one other, not really words of wisdom, but there is some truth to it.
"Rockets are a stupid way to get to space"
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